Formal Self Introduction Email (Edited Version)

To: Brad Blackstone

From: Adora Tay

Date: 19th January 2017

Subject: An Introduction of Myself

Good day, Brad,

Thank you for this opportunity to formally introduce myself.

I am a second year undergraduate from Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT), pursuing a Bachelor Degree in hospitality business with honors. The journey thus far has been amazing.

Prior to my varsity education, I graduated from Republic Polytechnic (RP) with a Diploma in customer relationship & service management (DCRSM) and Diploma Plus in international business. It was a rewarding experience with the human resource recruitment & staffing department at Citibank (N.A) Singapore during my internship for 6 months. The main highlight of my experience includes coordinating in large scale campus recruitment fairs at institutions of higher learning. During my school vacations, I worked as a part time boutique sales associate in Hermes Singapore (Retail) Pte Ltd over a span of 5 years. I also served at Intercontinental Hotels Group (IHG) – Holiday Inn Singapore Orchard City Centre in the Executive Club Lounge for four months during my first year of studies at SIT. I had the opportunity to do job rotation between front office and food & beverage within the department.

Through these experiences, I discovered that communication is key. The accuracy of encoding and decoding messages is vital in every forms of relationship. Having good communication allows people to stay connected. Despite enjoying human interaction, I find it challenging to speak to people with authority or in professional settings. Meanwhile, I am working on my vocabulary through more reading to sharpen my communication skills.

I certainly look forward to learning more from you in the weeks to come. Thank you for your valuable sharing and insights on professional communication last Friday. Truly a wonderful privilege and honour to be in your class.

Have a pleasant day ahead and see you tomorrow, Brad!

Best regards,

Adora

{Edited on 11th February 2017;

As per your advice Brad, my blog post has been edited. I appreciate your advises & thank you once again!}

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4 thoughts on “Formal Self Introduction Email (Edited Version)

  1. Dear Adora,

    Thank you for this clear, concise and yet quite detailed first post. I especially enjoyed learning about your extensive work background. It’s clear you have significant experience in a variety of business fields, so I’m sure we will all be learning from you this term.

    Of course, I also appreciate the accolades from our first lesson. My feeling is though that a class is only as good as the students in it. I was happy to see so many of you with a high motivation to participate, share and learn. The smiles also brighten each class!

    Since that is our main objective, please allow me to make a couple suggestions on how you could improve this letter both language-wise and stylistically. My suggestions are as follows:

    1. Good Day Brad,
    >>>
    (the second word needs no cap , but with the phrase, you do need a comma)
    Good day, Brad,

    2. Overuse of caps

    — pursuing a Bachelor Degree in Hospitality Business with Honours.
    — I worked as a part time Boutique Sales Associate…
    — job rotation between Front Office and Food & Beverage
    — Human Resource Recruitment & Staffing Department
    — Customer Relationship & Service Management (DCRSM) and Diploma Plus in International Business.

    See https://wmich.edu/writing/rules/capitalization
    and http://data.grammarbook.com/blog/capitalization/capitalization-of-academic-degrees/

    3. at higher learning of institutions
    >>>
    at higher learning institutions / at institutions of higher learning

    4. punctuation

    — Meanwhile I am working on my vocabulary through more reading to sharpen my communication skills.
    >>>
    ?

    These suggestions are fairly minor, so don’t allow my emphasis on them to eclipse your effort and my appreciation of that.

    I look forward to working with you!

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Adora,

    A well-written piece of post and it was really interesting for me to know abit more about you!

    I’m really sure that your course of study in Customer Relationship & Service Management, as well as your working experience as a Boutique Sales Associate in Hermes had brought you much opportunities to communicate with others and hone your communication skills. Honestly, you are already super good at your written and spoken skills!

    Cheers,
    Chantel

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Brad,

    Thank you for patiently reading my post!

    I am so glad to be receiving corrections from you 🙂
    I hope to learn more from you and improve on my communication as well as my writing skills ahead.

    Thank you once again, Brad.
    See you this Friday & have a great week!

    Cheers,
    Adora

    Like

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